A memorial service for change

“People do not fear change as much as they fear loss, the letting go of comfortable and familiar patterns, behaviours, and attitudes.” Robert Schnase

We often go on about the pains of change and transformation and I have never really considered the pain of loss in all of this. The truth of the matter is that we don’t like to say goodbye to things that keep us in equilibrium. We have an organic instinct to create environments of stability, ‘homeostasis’ if I remember from school days studying biology and chemistry. I suppose as we help people embrace the new things we ought to be having memorial services for those things that are passing away.

"God-be-with-ye" the real Goodbye

No, I am not saying goodbye! But, I had never actually appreciated the meaning of the word. Joyce Rupp has opened my eyes to the depth of the Christian goodbye whether that be at the airport, bus stop, or pouring tears over a casket. When we say goodbye, the Christian is declaring that although we will miss those we love we acknowledge that God will be with them and they will have the loving presence of God to help them through loneliness. I think we also need to be saying a "God-be-with-me" as we also affirm that God remains with us who grieve the loss of those we love.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31:8

Burning houses - a reflection on grief & loss – Mark Twain

Mark Twain wrote this when his daughter of 24 years died whilst he was away on a lecture circuit:
“A man’s house burns down. The smoking wreckage represents only a ruined home that was dear through years of use and pleasant associations. By and by, as the days and weeks go on, first he misses this, then that, then the other thing. And when he casts about for it he finds that it was in the house. Always it is an essential – there was but one of its kind. It cannot be replaced. It was in that house. It is irrevocably lost. He did not realize that it was an essential when he had it; he only discovers it now when he finds himself balked, hampered by its absence. It will be years before the tale of the lost essentials is complete, and not till then can he truly know the magnitude of the disaster.” Quoted in the book by Frederick Buechner, ‘Speak what we fell – not what we ought to say.’

I think it describes the process of grief very well, the length of the process, the sense of daily loss, and the unique ways in which we miss them at different times.